4/25/08

The Boy and The Door


The boy was
standing by the door
waiting for it to open.

the door was
waiting by the boy
cracked open to see inside.

the boy is
peeking through the crack
looking for his missing piece.

the door is
rusting at the hinges
trying to move an inch.

the boy will
try to crawl through
only to find no walls.

the door will
creak as the boy
crawls past his lost frienD.

Computer Still Broken

My computer is still broken, but I shall try to post using my friends laptop.

4/19/08

Computer Issues

So next Wednesday I get to send my computer to the doctor to get a full check-up. Hopefully this repair won't take too long... :-(

4/18/08

Calling to the Source


I call out to you now
High enough to hear your voice
Lost and true with no reason
But to cry when no one knows why
There is no hero here with us
To save us in these hours of pain.
How am I to give up hope
When the world is already lost?
The only truth left is what I know
So how am I to let it go?
So who am I to let it go?
What is your plan for me?
What is my plan for you?
Just don't give up on me
And I won't give up on you
So long as you don't ever teach me
How to save a life.

4/11/08

Nap


Softly I realized I was in a large airport. There were so many people... I couldn't recognize anyone. There were cross-walks, moving sidewalks, and all were full of people. They were bumping into me, pushing me aside, none of them talking, but a loud babble arose from the mass. I was suddenly under worry. I was alone. Everyone here was alien to me. I didn't even know where I was in the airport. I started to move through the people, trying to find a familiar gate or stairway or convinience store. Everything seemed new to me. I was scared. I didn't know what to do. I began to break down. I was a small child in the middle of the airport. There was no one here with me. Tears rolled down my face. I can see myself on the ground. I am pitiful. I am alone. I can't hear myself over the babble of the people, but I can still hear the music playing throughout the building.

The Sound of Silence...

I can still hear the words in my head...

Hello darkness, my old friend,
Ive come to talk with you again,
Because a vision softly creeping,
Left its seeds while I was sleeping,
And the vision that was planted in my brain
Still remains
Within the sound of silence.

In restless dreams I walked alone
Narrow streets of cobblestone,
neath the halo of a street lamp,
I turned my collar to the cold and damp
When my eyes were stabbed by the flash of
A neon light
That split the night
And touched the sound of silence.

And in the naked light I saw
Ten thousand people, maybe more.
People talking without speaking,
People hearing without listening,
People writing songs that voices never share
And no one deared
Disturb the sound of silence.

Fools said i,you do not know
Silence like a cancer grows.
Hear my words that I might teach you,
Take my arms that I might reach you.
But my words like silent raindrops fell,
And echoed
In the wells of silence

And the people bowed and prayed
To the neon God they made.
And the sign flashed out its warning,
In the words that it was forming.
And the signs said, the words of the prophets
Are written on the subway walls
And tenement halls.
And whisperd in the sounds of silence.

And then I saw him in the crowd. He turned, saw me, and smiled. I was so shocked to see him that I awoke, but... then I really was alone... and...

4/10/08

Returner


Often I will go back to that place when left to my own devices.
There is something innocent, yet deceptively terrible about that place.
That place, what a place indeed.
Why should I go back to a place where a deaf mute lies?
Nothing can be done for that.
Just turn yourself around and dance away into the green petals,
the red dress, the dead lips, with black kiss,
But within a momentary break in the story.
The story keeps going until you end it.

MOLESKIN ENTRY (fragments) - 4/6/08 - The Reason


I lost kiss again. I lost it. Fuck. I had it and I lost it. I am close to getting it back, but I don't want to lose them again... my lips. They are on my face, my head, my jaw. They are below my nose, above my chin, between my cheeks. They are surrounded by me, but they are not mine. Help me make them mine {again} so that I can make them yours {again}. Please. Hold me. Thrill me. Kiss me. Kill me.

->

I am tired and have been (-)less for ({a while now}). 3 days. Then, when I finally go to him, I am so broken and tired that I can't even give him what he deserves. I am selfish. Tired. I need a long rest. I will go back to ({him}) and rest. (-). (-). Don't (-) give up on me. Please. That is all I can do. Please. Please. Please. (-) I'm scared. Can you (-)? (-) , but maybe that's because (-). I'm sorry, I can't do anything (-). (-). (-) begun to fix the broken puzzle in your mind. I am doing mine right now. {Don't wait for me. I will get there too. I promise.}

4/9/08

20 + 1 = 21


As I watch her walk by,
I reach to my side,
And pull from my deck,
XX - Judgement.

She glances and sighs,
But reaches with her eyes,
And sees in my left,
XXI - The World.

4/6/08

Sanctuary by Utada Hikaru



Wonk uoy naht noitceffa erom deen i...
In you and I,
theres a new land
Angels in flight
Wonk uoy naht noitceffa erom deen i...
My sanctuary,
my sanctuary, yeah
Where fears and lies melt away
Music in time
Wonk uoy naht noitceffa erom deen i...
What's left of me?
What's left of me now?

I watch you fast asleep
All I fear means nothing

In you and I,
theres a new land
Angels in flight
Wonk uoy naht noitceffa erom deen i...
My sanctuary,
my sanctuary, yeah
Where fears and lies melt away
Music in time
Wonk uoy naht noitceffa erom deen i...
What's left of me?
What's left of me now?

Snwod dna spu ynam os...
My heart's a battleground
Snoitome eurt deen i...
Wonk uoy naht noitceffa erom deen i...
Snoitome eurt deen i...

You show me,
how to see
That nothing is whole,
and nothing is broken

In you and I,
theres a new land
Angels in flight

My sanctuary,
my sanctuary, yeah
Where fears and lies melt away
Music in time
Wonk uoy naht noitceffa erom deen i...
What's left of me?
What's left of me now?

My fears
My lies
Melt away

Wonk uoy naht noitceffa erom deen i...

4/5/08

Going Back to Dole

Who ever thought that bring back Dole would be... terrible...

Who saw through the pages and stories and saw... ghosts...

More Ghosts...

More Awakenings...

More Compression...

4/4/08

84th Post


This is post 84, which marks the point at which I have successfully surpassed my other blog in length. When reflecting on this, I wonder what could have sparked me to write as much as I had in 2 years of High School in just 6 recent months. It is obvious that I have been through a lot of changes psychologically and physically (by that I mean going from 130-175 pounds every two months). The real question is: Is this a good thing? I would like to think so. In fact, I know so. I have had more to write about recently than I have ever had or wanted to write about. I have used writting as a tool to develop myself and continue onward in life. Now I have a huge collection of works to look back upon and remember the emotions that were put into these pieces. Some are huge rants, some brief sentences (or rather fragments and sometimes just words) but length has no meaning when compared to the memories tied with these works. It is an odd feeling... rereading the cryptic and not so cryptic writing and recalling why I chose each word, made each sentence, made the stanzas. It is truly moving to recall these moments that I don't want to recall... but in some twisted part of my mind... I want these moments to reread and remember, because I need to learn from my mistakes and sometimes I need to remember the ones I made. I am a different person from the one who wrote each of those pieces. Time allows me to look back at them and see what I was really thinking... or maybe it is what I wished I were thinking...

4/3/08

Precious


"All you have to do is to decide what to do with the time given to you."
-Gandalf the Grey, Mithrandir, Olórin
...
-J.R.R. Tolkien

Sleep Without Sleep


There once was this place,
Where I could be at ease,
Be at peace with myself.

There once was this bed,
Where I could rest my weary head,
And never think about when or why.

But now that I'm here,
I feel like part of me died,

And there's no reason to worry or fret.

But how can I lay alone?
How can I go back to cold?

Why waste my time here,
When I could whisper in your ear,

The secret of our sanctuary.