Rant 1

To all of those who can hear me,
If you still can that is,
To all of those who hurt me
I tell you now I am grateful
Of that suffering.
It isn't because it wasn't painful,
It isn't because it wasn't worthwhile,
It's because it was nessisary.
I am sorry you can't all hear me right not.
In fact, the only ones who will hear
Are those who will listen
And will empathize my story.
It really is too bad
That I am spending my time on you,
The ones who will hurt me again.
But it isn't because I care for you
Anymore,
It's because I am doing this for me.
I have taken the steps to move past
The events that ended your hearing.
I don't even care if you
Get your hearing back.

Losing the Week

Of all the things I miss most.
I miss seeing your face.
And now that I can't...

What the hell.
Now I've lost my week.

It has arrived!

Blogging has returned!

Deathnote? Really?

So I went to go see the Deathnote movie recently. I liked it. Kind of a spin on the whole idea that writting down something somehow becomes reality (except the difference being that something is death). I would highly recommend the live action movie anytime to anyone looking for something new and exciting. It made me think, if I had the Deathnote... the world around me would be chaos >:-O (Kyle + Book of Death = Wombats with Revolvers)

100th Post - Turning to another page

Alas! 100 Posts already! My computer is due next week by thursday so I can't wait to start blogging again to releave some of this writer's cramp that is filling my brain. My moleskin is half-way full and I'm getting tired of my handwritting. I want to write more than just train-of-thought in the moleskin but I just can't bring myself to write much in a small, palm sized pad. I recently got a book of haiku poems that I absolutely love... so expect a few of those on the way. Got to go for now but I hope to post again very soon!

Computer Delay

I'm so sorry I can't blog like I have been. My computer (a Dell) has been overheating and crashing so I had to send it out. I sent it April 29 and because Dell is taking so long to fix my computer they are just gonna send me a new one! So now I am getting my old E1705 upgraded to the new 1720! Check it out at Dell.com if you feel the need. It has the full keyboard like I wanted and should also be a bit lighter (maybe... I might be a little too hopeful). Anyways, hopefully I'll be back online regularly starting Monday. (Oh please let it be so!)

PS: I just got a package from Dell. It was a small metal box that turned out to be the only piece of my computer that survived the chopper... the Hard Drive :-( Good thing I backed up my data on my external HD!

Lost Stanza

But now.
Now is not the time.
To cry.
Because what I face.
Now.
Is nothing.
It is nothing.
At least.
When I look into your eyes.
With or without vision.
My heart.
It leaps.
And I remember.
What it feels like.
To be at peace.
Again.
With your soul.
An elbow's length away.
So my eyes.
Don't have to be.
Alone.
Anymore.

I will always be there.
Even if I go away.
Even if I move away.
Even if I die.
Even if I can't.
I promise.
I promise.

And that promise.
It amazes people.
Even you.
But to me.
To promise.
To one person.
To you.
That I will.
Is a promise.
To be your Hero.
Not the world.

But to be a Hero.
For one.
Is much harder.
For most.
Than to be.
A world.

Remember.
There is one person.
Who can see.
That you are.
Beautiful.
Remember.
Remember.

So when I.
Am mindless.
Be there.
And I will recall.
What it feels like.
To be at peace.
Again.
With your soul.
And my eyes.
Don't have to be.
Alone.
Anymore.

The Scarlet Harlot

I am never good at being emotional.
Please, understand this.
I am never the one to cry.
And I don't like to admit that I do.
Sometimes.
When I am alone.
I feel something on my face.
And I know that the tears are there.
When I am alone.
There is no one to hide them from.
So they escape my conciousness.
And become involuntary capilaries.
Falling from my face.

I am not an 'emo' punk.
I am not starving for attention.
I am not anything worth mentioning.
If it weren't for you.
I know.
I would fade into the background.
I would be lost in my own fantasy.
I would not want reality.
If there wasn't you.
I wouldn't be me.

So many "I"s.
How can you stand me?
As selfish and selfless as I am.
There is no better way to describe.
A first born.
Just so willing to give.
And yet not see what he is giving.
Or to whom.
Just to give it to them.
Because you can't have.
You just can't.
You don't deserve it like.
They do.

But you are.
So much more than they are.
As I am here trying.
To bring back the reasons.
For myself.
Not letting tears come to me.
And I decide that.
I am a rock.
Why would you deserve.
To be with a rock.
I don't decide that.
But the water inside the rocks.
That is what matters.
Or does it.

Don't try to change.
Who I am.
All that I ask.
Is that you let me.
Be here with you.
So that when I.
The rock.
Begin to split.
With the weight of water.
I will be able.
To have someone there.
Who I can trust.
To hold me together.
And say over a thousand things.
Without saying anthing.

I am not hiding.
Not anymore.
Don't call me a coward.
For not saying anything.
Because I am not scared.
I just know that.
No matter what.
There aren't.
Words.
To sound emotion.
Only the music.
That I hear.
In my silent ears.
Can echo those notes.
That fail me.
And my voice.

But ask me.
For anything.
And it will be yours.

All you have to do.
Is ask.

And maybe rub my lamp.