With Fists of the Ocean -reflection-

There was once a time when I thought I had it all figured out.  The graduation, the job, the home, the family, the future. I never considered anything but the most optimistic outcome of the past.  Despite all my faults, my wrongs, and my innocence, it would work.  I would make it work.  I would outlast the change in you.

There was once a time when I would have given myself completely, even if it wasn't presented in return.  The self-sacrifice, the devotion, the unrelenting desire to make you happy.  I couldn't see myself in the looking glass, the man, worn, hollow, and sickened by fate and the inevitability of his actions.  The man who would do anything to make the looking glass shape into the image he longed most for.  I wouldn't see it, the man bending the glass with his melancholy eyes and heavy steps.  I would do it.  I would do it for you.

There was once a time when I could leave you behind.  Left behind.  Alone.  Waiting for something at the window like a dog waiting for his master to return home with food, toys, and love.  I meet that need and pushed beyond the call of duty to build you into something more.  Much more.  Sometimes, I would wonder if you even saw yourself achieving the goals carefully laid before you.  Was it just to appease my exhausted pleas or did you ever really want something more for yourself?  I would look for it.  I would find it for you.

There was once a time when I would light your fires of passion.  The kindling neatly stacked, the logs ready to be devoured, neatly topped with some magical copper flakes.  Yet, day by day, week by week, month by month, and year by year... I began to take on the task of preparing the rite of flames.  My hands became charred, my face dark with soot, my body resisting the ritual I had come to know.  Is this all?  Is this my role?  I would finally come to see.  I would finally stand alone.

But the moon is with me.

The time now is spent in quite reflection under the dark sun.  Am I selfish?  Am I thoughtless?  I am standing at the edge of the cliff over-looking the ocean and raise my fists, the fists of the ocean.  I am restless with worry and spend the night turning own myself to find what it is that I want

Suddenly, it is there, as bright and brilliant as the moon itself above.  We are not alone.

There is a sense of peace and I am free to rest in the tides.