Wednesday

I focus my mind.
Focus.
Seek the truth.
See it now.
I open my eyes.

Foward.

Leaping ahead.

To the edge.

I see the wave.

Coming.

Grasping his hand.

Frozen in fears.

I await the water.

Approaching.

Looking at the hand.

Sinking in sand.

Eyes kiss goodbye.

Holding on.

Not letting go.

Water,
Sand,
Foam,
Sand,
Water,
Foam.

No air.

Nothing,

but his hand...

still holding on...

to me...

And then my alarm at 10:45 woke me up. It had been going off every five minutes since 6:30 so I can't blame it for being mad. My bedroom was a mess, but considering I am never there to enjoy it for more than sleep it didn't bother me today. My underwatered spider plants reached for the sunlight coming in through the windows. The small pile of books at the side of my bed looked at me in shame as I got up and ignored them. My clothes were downstair anyway so I grabbed a pile of dirty laundry and brought those with me. There is little to no heat in my room, but it was still colder in the kitchen. My mother began asking questions, but I shook her off with a promised talk after a shower. During the shower I thought about what I was doing today, but couldn't come up with anything above the average. My books continued to scold me while I was dressing and packing my stuff. A friend called and asked if I wanted to go window shopping, which was code for compulsive-buying-to-make-myself-feel-better. On my way to his house it was raining. I picked him up and we drove to the mall. It began to rain harder. I saw a comic book and he saw a movie so we got those to satisfy ourselves. On our way to the restaurant we always went to it began raining even harder. When we got inside, there was no generic background music playing to entertain us while we ate. It was very dry inside the empty dinning room. There were only two other people there besides us. I stared out the window and watched the rain while paying the check with my debit card. I flipped up my phone and sent a quick text message. When we got back to my car the rain stopped. I looked for my phone to check if there was a reply to my message, but I couldn't find it. We drove back to the resaurant. The waitress didn't seem helpful. The manager didn't care. I left my number on a napkin knowing it would be tossed once I was out the door. On the highway I called my phone using my friend's, but no one answered. I sat in silence all the way back to my house. I activated my old phone, reported my other as missing or stolen, and then took my friend home. He didn't mind waiting. On my way back to my house for the second time it started to rain again. I opened my driver-side window and reached out my hand into the darkness. Rain pelted my fingers, my plam, my arm, and my face. I looked next to me at the empty passenger seat. My right hand flinched. I turned back to the road. I rolled up my window. I down shifted. I kept going.

But I still couldn't stop missing him.